Akatsuki XFiles
by Cassetto
Summary: wat happens if a reporter went to uncover the dirt of the akatsuki members? slight yaoi...
1. Chapter 1

JASHIN IS WATCHING YOU

hidan- yeah he fucking is

kakuzu-shut up hidan

hidan-no stitches i will not fucking shut up!

kakuzu- *rips head off*

hidan- OWW! KAKUZU THAT FUCKING HURT YOU FUCKING BASTARD PUT MY HEAD BACK ON YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

me- okay her you go.

hidan- *fake sobs* kaku-chan why do you hurt me i heard you only hurt the ones you luv.

kakuzu-shut the hell up hidan

me-*nosebleed*

kakuzu-do i need to kill you

me- no kakuzu-sama here have a dollar

kakuzu- yay money!

me-...okay.

pein- wats going on here...

me-well...nuffin

pein-nothing means something

me-if nothing mean something then the thing that are nothing are something.

pein- fine you win now i need an asprin

me-bye pein-in-the-ass

pein-*grumbles*

me- now wheres dei-kun :3

to be continued probaly...


	2. Chapter 2

Art iz a BANG!

YAOI AHEAD DON'T LIKE PLZ DON'T READ! CRITIQUES WELCOMED AFTER YOU READ YOU MAY PROCEED. ARIGATO! ^u^

deidera- hehe, that is what true art is,un!

sasori- no it is not you brat

deidera- b-but danna art is fleeting only last for a moment *sparkly eyes*

sasori- oh please art is eternal

me- as a fellow artist can i put my opinion on the subject

sasori&deidera- NO!

me- *grumble* artist...why dont they just go make out.

sasori- what did you just say... do you want to part of my collection

me- *gulp* no pinocchio

rest of the akatsuki members- *snicker*

deidera- DONT TALK ABOUT MY DANNA,UN!

hidan- Oi,fucker why do you call sasori your danna?

kisame- yeah why do you

itachi- yes i always speculated why you call sasori "danna" yo-

hidan- SHUT IT SLUT! I dont want to fucking hear your fucking long speeches on a fucking simple fucking subject! XU

other akatsuki members- O_o"

itachi- what the hell are you saying! oh shit he better not squeal after what we did on Monday

me- WAT ITACHI-KUN! I DIDNT HEAR YOUR MENTAL NOTE VERY CLEAR! DID YHUU SAY THAT YOU AND HIDAN-KUN~ 3 DID "SOMETHING" ON MONDAY!

hidan- O/O

itachi- i-i said nothing of the sort

deidera- che, i thought i heard some banging and cursing coming from that side of the lair,un...

me- well lets get back on topic before itachi and hidan-kun~3 kill me

sasori- well i think art should last foever for everyone to see like my puppets

hidan & me- *snickers*

kisame- please ignore the filthy minds and mouths of those two,carry on

hidan & me- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT YOU SHIT-EATING FISH FUCKER!

kisame- my piont exactly =_=

me & hidan- *pout*

deidera- *sparkly eyes* art...bang...beautiful,un

~ Ignoring the whole convo~

hidan- i swear he wants to get fucked by me of course hehehe

me- 'whisper' hidan-kun did you just say you wanted to fuck dei-kun?

hidan- 'whisper' of course i said that

me- wow hidan-kun arent you straight? waahhh yesh! hidan-kun iz my kinda guy for money hehehe! shit i hang out wit kuzu-kun too long lolz!

hidan- Oi, im straight but if the guy is pretty enough the ill fuck him...but with deidera he looks like a girl so its easier

me- ooohhh i get it... shit! need to get back to the main convo.

~thats over~

sasori- my art is better brat!

deidera- no its not,un mine is!

me- kisame, wat the helll happened?

kisame- well instead of a disscussion...as you can see its a debating fight scene

me- oh well if they fight its all physical *snicker* no weapons or justus

hidan- good one

me- me know ^u^

kisame- this will get interesting... btw where did my weasel go

me-why did you call itachi your weasel

kisame dont challenge me ive got some dirt on you

me- *gulp* O.O...w-well lets get back to deidera and sasori

~At the Fight err... Debate Ring~

sasori&deidera- on the ground in semi yaoi poses

me- *nosebleed*uhhhh...guys i think you should stop...

sasori- brat just admit that my art is better!

deidera- no,un!

sadori- fine then i guess i have to use force

deidera- whats that,un

sasori- your one weakness

deidera- no anything but that,un

sasori- *evil grin* pulls out scissors

deidera-NOOOOOO! MY HAIR,UN!

sasori- flips deidera so thats hes on top(really bad yaoi poses)

deidera- NOOOOOOOO! SASORI-DANNA PLWEASE DONT CUT MY HAIR,UN! *starts tearing up* hehehe he cant resist my crying face

me- ...um guys...fuck this! wheres my camera...

sasori- brat dont you dare start crying!

~In Kakazu's room~

me- kuzu-chan~ do you have your video camera

kakuzu- why should i, brat

me- because it involves a lot of money

kakuzu- fine but i get half $u$

me- agreed greedy money whore

~end scene~

me- what the hell happened while i was gone...not looking at the scene before her

sasori- ummmm...i can explain

me- explain what starts looking towards them

deidera- DONT LOOK UP,UN!

me- WHAAAAAAAAA*major super nosebleed*

sasori- i tried to warn you

me- warn me about what the fact that your fucking dick is half way up dei-kun's fucking ass so thats why he calls you 'danna' cause you fuck him all the fucking time!

deidera- THATS NOT WHY I CALL HIM THAT,UN!

me- shut up dei-kun you fucking dissappoint me you are a dickless uke even though you look a fucking girl!

deidera- menie!cries

sasori- dei-chan~3 dont cry

me- pussy …ugh i can never have a good discussion with you guys! first i ask you the same fucking question and the you start too fucking argue! THEN YOU START FIGHTING AND PLACING YOUR SELVES IN THESE FUCKING SUPER YAOI POSES THEN START FUCKING EACH OTHER! You guys are so fucking complicated! This is why you die in the first couple of episodes! REALLY SASORI IF I HADNNT HELP YOU AND PUSSY-BOY ASSES YOU WOULD BE STILL DEAD! stroms out the room

deidera- is she gone danna,un

sasori- yeah lets finish wat we started

deidera- lets go to the room

me- um…well it seems the sasori and deidera are err…busy so lets contine to the weasel and demon shark (itachi and kisame)

now let me make a video for ebay hehe sneaks into sasori and deidera's room*nosebleed*

A/N

Well im my own OC aren't I good^-^ but I can revive people from the dead only if they had been dead in less than a hour. Im useful oh and im immortal and Hidan is my uncle.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N

Kay guys thanks for reading so far btw I will take suggestions to make these for other animes or mangas. K b'bye! slight yaoi ahead!

Topic: IM NOT A….? PART. 1

me- hiya guys

lawyer – Ahem!

me – fine *fucking lawyers*

lawyer- I heard that and just read the nice well thought out apology

me- I didn't know sasori had this to go against me!

lawyer- mr. akasuna has the right to sue you

me- fine…I miyako am sorry for cursing VeRy MUCH! AH HELL NO!

lawyer- ms. tsukuyomi please just read it

me- okay srry…

~30 mins later~

me- please forgive me and I do not own naruto.

lawyer-thank you -leaves-

me- stupid fucking lawyers

lawyer-*comes back* here you go*gives me a piece of paper*have a nice day

me- WHAT THE FUCK REALLY A CIVIL SUIT FOR CALLIUNG YOU STUPID! Hidan a sacrifice just left the building!

hidan- What the fuck! you little shit bag why did cha let him go!

me- I did not! he simply left. :I

hidan- fine ill go get him.

me- hidan-san!

hidan-WHATT!

me- please don't hurt cha self to bad

hidan- pfftt whatever ~Oi! she really cares about me I feel so loved~

me- B'bye now don't come back for awhile im gonna be torturin-I mean-

questioning your weasel hehehe :3

itachi- …zzz…

me- itachi-san

itachi- z…zzzz

me- 'TACHI-SAN

itachi- …z…zzzzzzzz*maybe if I keep doing this she will leave*

me- OMG! OROPEDO-SAN IS DOING SOMETHING WITH SASUKE-KUN

OUTSIDE!*that will wake him up*

itachi- SASUKE! BIG BROTHER WILL SAVE YOU!-teleports outside-

~OUTSIDE~

itachi- WHERE ARE YOU OROCHIMARU! I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO MY SASUKE-KUN! –runs off-

~INSIDE~

me- wow I was just joking…note to self don't ever put sasuke in a bad near itachi… well let's find the fish stick

hidan- why is itachi screamin like a madman about sasuke?

me- I don't know

hidan- you better not-walks away-

me- XP

hidan- btw why are you outside the fish's room

me-….nuffin

hidan- nothing is something ya lil twat

me- do you really know wat I doing

hidan- yes

me- okaayy-tells hidan-

hidan- wow O_e …very devious…im in

me- okay, you handle the fish I got the weasel then we switch

hidan- deal

~OUTSIDE LOOKING FOR ITACHI~

me- ITACHI-SAN WHERE ARE YOU!

itachi- zzz…

me-man he still sleeps even when his bro is in trouble…sad

itachi- …z…*wakes up*

me- so you're finally awake

itachi- hn…wat do you want little girl

me- I just want to ask a few questions

itachi- …hn

me- first, you can't just say 'hn' all the time we can't translate that very well okay

itachi- …h-yeah

me- okay are you seme or uke

itachi- it depends each of my bitch-I mean lovers are different

me- so who are you lovers

itachi- well…kisame, naruto, naruko, sasuke, orochimaru, kakashi, hidan, sasori &

deidera

me- wow weasel you even got uncle hidan…also sad

itachi- anymore questions

me- yeah…um…well…ya see

itachi-what is it

me- ummmm

itachi- mayenge-

me- OKAY! fine…do you get um…ya know…that…from Pein-sama?

itachi-hn…

me-Dammit Itachi do I need to get Hidan or Kisame out here

itachi- it wouldn't help first hidan cant and will never look me in the eyes and

kisame has the attention span of a goldfish

me- harsh much

itachi- I don't care

me- any way Hidan is coming to question you as well so ja ne.

~INSIDE LAIR~

hidan-TALK YOU FUCKING SHARK OR THE GOLDFISH BECOMES A SCACIRFICE TO

JASHIN-SAMA!

kisame- I told you everything give Dorinda back!

me- what the hell are you doing Hidan-san!

hidan- itterrogating

me- I said questioning!

hidan- but-

me-QUESTION itachi-kun now

hidan- fine brat

me- sorry about that kisame-san

kisame-its okay brat

me-why is every body calling me a brat

kisame-um..i plead the 5th

me-wat ever

To Be Continued….


End file.
